Rising Emotions
by Karen Hart
Summary: Pre Saga. Shion and Allen, as they both learn to deal with Kevin's death. Chapter 7 is up. Comments appreciated.
1. Pain

**Rising Emotions**

By Karen Hart

_Disclaimer: In no way do I own any part of the Xenosaga series, nor do I make any money from this or other fanfictions. I write these stories for love of the game(s), nothing more.

* * *

_

Amazing how quiet it could be, Shion thought, as she sat in Kevin's quarters. No lights were on, the only illumination coming from the opened window in the adjacent dining area. A breeze ruffled the flimsies that'd been piled on his desk now and again, one falling off entirely every few minutes. She did nothing to stop that, though. She didn't feel like doing much of anything, truth be told.

She'd gotten there an hour ago, just quietly entered the unlock code and slipped in. In all honesty she had no idea why she'd done it. Maybe denial had a part in it—or maybe it was confirmation of a sort. But in any case, she'd come.

So there she was, seated in the middle of the floor of her…actually, she wasn't sure what to call him. She'd never really thought of him as a boyfriend. "Confidant" was too severe. But maybe "fiancé" would have been more appropriate, she thought as she turned the small black box over in her hand. Numbly she flipped the lid open and stared at the ring inside. It was a modest piece, small diamonds set deep in a gold band. She flipped it closed, trying not to think of the implications.

Kevin had never told her his intentions—never hinted them, even, and now they were both paying for it. She'd always thought of him as admirable, a role model of sorts, but she'd never really believed he'd had those sorts of feelings for her. She was cute to him, was what she thought, all enthusiasm, but not to be taken too seriously.

Again, there she was, in the dark and the cold, the box tumbling over in her hands while half-thoughts bounced around in her head, things like "He's dead" and "I do", with the occasional "She killed him" thrown in, because that was about as much as her mind could compute at the time. After a while she shook her head to clear it, and the words "He was going to marry me" fell into place.

Her face turned upwards, the sudden movement making her slightly dizzy. She waited until the gray and red subsided, then stood up and made her way to the door. The sentence repeated itself in her mind, each repetition angrier and more urgent than the last. She hardly noticed the half hour walk or the two lift rides, until she stood in front of the lab's side door, the only entrance not sealed by a "NO ENTRY" hologram. She entered the unlock code, stepped inside—god, it felt like déjà vu just then. This place too was dark, though there was no breeze and no flimsies laying about.

It was another good few moments before she found herself standing front of the black service module, a crowbar from the junk locker in her raised hands. Somewhere inside she wondered when she'd gotten it, then dismissed the thought as she brought the bludgeon down against the module. The only thing she accomplished was a loud clanging and a vibration that went from her fingers to her teeth. Still, she kept at it, smashing the machine until her arms turned to gel, and the crowbar slipped from her fingers and fall to the floor. She followed it a moment later, her legs folding under her, while her hands went up to her face. She cried, then, a full on sob since she was certain she was alone.

---

What was she doing there, Allen wondered, as he stared at his coworker lying among the rubble of the lab. He saw the crowbar a moment later, and the scratches on the service module, and put two and two together. He reached a hand out to wake her up, then stopped himself. Was it really his business? Maybe he should just let her be, though that _couldn't_ be comfortable. Again, he reached, and again, he stopped, almost sighing in relief when he saw her stir. She opened puffy, bloodshot eyes and stared at him in confusion.

"What are you doing here?" Shion asked, a tactless question though her confusion was genuine. What reason did he have to be there? She hauled herself into a sitting position. "Shouldn't you still be at the hospital?"

Allen shook his head and sat down beside her. "Nah," he said, shrugging. "All I had was a few cuts and bruises, really. Guess they figured a quick nano-treatment would be good enough for me. They kicked me back out of there about an hour after I was admitted. –As to why I'm here, well…" Allen trailed off, and looked ahead of him for a few minutes, staring at the debris piled about. He turned to her, then. "It doesn't feel real, does it?" She twitched, slightly, though she never turned to face him. "I mean, day before last we were all but uncorking the champagne, patting ourselves on the back for all our hard work, and now here we are, after having lost so much. I guess I had to see it again, to really believe it. I don't know." He stopped talking then, just sat and stared at the opposite wall.

"I found something in his quarters," he heard Shion say, and turned to look at her again. The words came out forced and ragged at first, then steadied into something soulless and dead. "A ring. Gold with diamonds. I think he was going to propose. I would have said yes." She brought her knees up under her chin, and wrapped her arms around her shins. Neither of them really cared about the view.

It was a while more before either of them said anything, both of them lost in their thoughts. Shion stood up, finally, and began making her way back outside. Allen followed her a moment later, called out to her before she could get very far. He stammered a moment, then asked "Want me…want me to drive you home?"

Shion thought about that a moment, then shook her head, sighing. "No. I'll be fine."


	2. Daily

**Rising Emotions Chapter 2**

By Karen Hart

_Author's note: This story will not have a coherent plotline, but will instead consist of various anecdotes dealing with Shion and Allen's relationship during the time between Kevin's death and the beginning of Episode I. Also, my muse for this chapter was a glass of cherry brandy. Feel free to blame any errors on that.

* * *

_

For once, Sophie's was _packed_.

It was a small establishment, a hole in the wall of one of the Dammerung's numerous department stores, and accessible only through a nondescript hallway, the door unmarked. Even so, it was a fairly popular establishment among the First Division, particularly one Allen Ridgeley. The place had always maintained a quiet, serene feel. Tonight, though, the place was an absolute madhouse.

Allen looked over at Togashi, then back at the dining area. "You want to chance it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Togashi shrugged, uttering a "sure". Well, why not? He flagged down the hostess, a harried-looking woman whose brown hair was starting to come out of its braid. Her nametag said she was "MATTIE".

Mattie looked at him, eyes wide and frantic, and opened her mouth to speak. "Two," Allen said quickly, with a smile. She nodded mutely and led him to the only free spot in the restaurant, a table nest to the wait-staff's station. It was a three-chair set up, with fake foliage trailed over the half-wall. The scent of overcooked coffee could be clearly smelled. The hostess trotted away as soon as both of them were seated.

Grinning, Togashi picked up a menu from a slot in the table and punched the scroller. "So what do you think's got the place so full?"

"Beats me," Allen muttered, eyes on his own menu. "But given how much beige is in here, I'd get someone in the Division got a raise or a promotion or something. Who knows?" He made his selection then, pressing a button on the menu and slipping it into the reader just under the table's rim. Togashi did the same, then leaned back in his seat, regarding his coworker a moment.

"So you think she'll be up to it?" he asked, a moment later. At Allen's blank stare, he clarified slightly. "You know, Shion's promotion? I mean…"

Allen shrugged. "Probably. She's got the know-how and all. But I see your point. You'd think they'd transfer her given what happened." Six weeks later and they still avoided talking about it directly. "Actually, I find it stranger that they're not cutting off the KOS-MOS Project."

That got a snort from Togashi. "After the money that's been sunk into it? You'd better believe they'd continue it, even after everything our new Chief's done to get it shut down." That had been a minor fiasco in its own right, with Shion coming close to yelling at the Director. Most of her friends had decided not to let her live it down…well, at least not for another couple of months. A waitress showed up with their drinks just then, a steaming mug of coffee for him and a soft drink for Allen. Neither of them looked at her nametag. When she'd left he picked up where he'd left off, stirring a packet of sugar into his cup. "Ironic, isn't it? I mean, you'd think they'd pick someone else after that."

"I don't know," Allen said after a moment's thought. "Like I said, she's got the know-how. They probably want her to get her mind back on work, as callous as it is to say it."

It was Togashi's turn to shrug. "Well, who knows?" He took a sip of his coffee. "Personally, I'm just glad the project's not going down the drain, you know?"

Allen nodded. "You would. You've only been around for the hardware designs."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Togashi asked, feigning offense. It got an eye roll from Allen.

"Don't give me that look. You'd be a _lot_ less enthusiastic if you had to deal with the higher-ups when we were building the OS."

Togashi grinned again. "Was it really that bad?"

That got a grimace from Allen. "Oh god, yes. It's like they'd never dealt with AI or anything—" he was cut off then by the same waitress with their meals—chicken parmesan for Allen and beef stew for Togashi. At some point they were going to have to find out what she was called. Allen continued where he'd left off a moment later. "I mean—you know how we've the system designed right, patterned after the human brain?" Togashi nodded, mouth full of stew. "They act like we have some sort of template that we just fill in the blanks for. Makes me wonder how any of them got the jobs they have."

"Someone's dad probably paid someone's boss," Togashi replied, attacking his meal once more. Allen murmured a "Probably" and began doing the same. At least the rush didn't seem to affect the quality of the food. They were like that for a while, suddenly too ravenous to concentrate on anything but the food. Everything vanished within fifteen minutes.

Allen pressed a switch on the table, a bill shooting out of another slot a second later. He groaned inwardly, knowing that he was going to have to pick up the tab. Of course. Togashi avoided paying whenever possible. "You'd better be handling the tip, at least,' Allen muttered in his friend's general direction.

Togashi frowned. "I don't know, I'm pretty tight for funds right—" he stopped in mid-sentence at Allen's glare. "Kidding, kidding. I got the tip, don't worry." He finished off the last of his coffee and reached for his wallet, fishing out a credit card a moment later. "Will fifteen be enough?"

"Sure, that should do."


	3. Escape

**Rising Emotions Chapter 3**

By Karen Hart

* * *

Shion leaned against the door, slouching a bit as she kicked off her boots, closing her eyes in profoundest relief. _Much_ better. They didn't make those things for comfort. She pushed herself upright again and quickly shed her jacket, stuffing it into the nearby coat closet before making her way down the short hallway and over to the sofa, passing a stack of plastic crates on her way. She'd have to get on with unpacking soon. _Later_, she thought impatiently.

It was a new apartment, rather more spacious than her last—rank had its privileges, after all. Dark blue seemed to be the overlying theme, from the carpet to the upholstery to the tinting of the window panes. There was abundant shelving and counter space, with built-ins cunningly added in. The walls were a clear, unblemished cream. All in all, it was more than adequate. And best of all was the head, with its full-sized tub and seemingly endless supply of hot water.

That sounded nice, Shion thought, closing her eyes and imagining herself slip under a mountain of bubbles, a cup of hot tea in her hands. She added in soft, soothing music to the fantasy. Well, why not? She had everything she needed, if she could find them among the mess of boxes. So inspired, she hauled herself upright, and began searching through the crates.

In minutes she had the requisite tea on a tray, a steaming pot of the stuff, ginger scent curling up from the spout. The bubble bath was easy enough to find after that, the bottle stuffed down the side of a container marked "BATH". She set the tray down on a little table next the bath, and with one hand switched the taps on. The bubble bath followed, then, a cap full at first, then a steady stream from the bottle. Satisfied with the water level, she switched on her connection gear, searching for a public music station. Something instrumental, with no commercials. She searched a bit, nodding to herself when she found something decent.

_Good enough!_ On that thought she peeled off the rest of her clothing, and slid under the bubbles. Now this was nice. Warm water. Hot tea. No matter that the bath was a luxury that came with a rank she hadn't originally wanted. It was hers now and a selfish part of her wanted to enjoy it. _So much for shame_, Shion mused as she set the teacup down and sank even lower, until her ears filled with water and her voice sounded funny. She hummed a bit to amuse herself, then surfaced a moment later, letting the water drain from her ears.

Another sip of tea, and she found herself feeling, god, almost philosophical as she thought of why she was in that tub in the first place. Was she starting to get over him, she wondered to herself over another sip of tea. She closed her eyes and slid back down, careful to keep the cup above water level. Probably not, the thought floated to the surface. Not if she had any decency in her. She still missed him—still, ha!—it was only eight weeks ago—occasionally catching glimpses of his phantom now and again.

No, she wasn't over him. Just starting to accept his absence. That was all. She sighed in irritation at herself, set the cup down again and shifted onto her side, suddenly displaced water hitting the floor tiles a second later. This was supposed to be relaxing, and here she was thinking about someone wasn't there. Someone who…couldn't…be there.

Shion shivered then, the hot water notwithstanding, and she splashed around a bit to distract herself. Get the mind off that track. Relax. No use in dwelling on that. It was over. "Stop moping," she told herself sternly. A groan followed. No good. She still felt…

She still felt guilty, was the truth of it, no matter how illogical it was to feel that way. He'd died protecting her. She'd never known his feelings—the word sounded odd in her mind, almost halted—until it was too late. And here she was, enjoying a bath because he was dead. It was selfish, almost disrespectful, even. God, when had her thoughts made such a depressing turn? She sat upright and wrapped her arms around her torso, scowling at the fixtures. She didn't deserve the amenities she had. Suddenly she wanted her old quarters, with its small tub and worn furnishings. This didn't feel _right_.

A moment later Shion hauled herself shivering back out of the water, casting about for a towel. Now she realized she'd forgotten one. Of course. And no linen closet in the head. Just another minor irritation to add to her suddenly foul mood. At least the bathroom crates were close to the door. She hauled one in, goose bumps forming on her limbs. Thank god it was the right one, she thought as she wrapped the terrycloth around herself. She shut the connection gear off a moment later, and left the tea where it was. She'd deal with that later.

Not a minute later she found herself in her room, face down in the pillows and utterly exhausted. Her stomach rumbled. Screw dinner. Screw unpacking, too. Sleep sounded real good just then.

But then again, maybe it was just another way for her to escape.


	4. Shion Emotion

**Rising Emotions Chapter 4**

By Karen Hart

* * *

There were hazards in maintaining a simulated weather system. Lately the days had been hurtfully cold, while the nights were unbearably warm. Between the heating and cooling settings on Allen's air conditioner, his power bill was going to show a steady hike upwards. Three cheers for technology. At least the weather patterns were subject to constant change; he didn't know if he could stand much more of this.

Lethargy had set in long ago, and he ended up laying on his side on the sofa, staring blankly at the holoscreen, which depicted an old train yard, where a pair of lovers stood in the rain. The remote had fallen to the floor long ago; he didn't really feel like reaching for it just then. But then again, the movie was almost over anyway. Rain sounded good, he thought. Lots of rain, a deluge of the stuff—whatever it took to cool things down. He wondered idly when it'd rained last. What, eight, nine weeks ago?

Nine weeks. He rolled over so that he was staring at the back of the sofa this time. Nine weeks ago, he'd been standing in a graveyard, rain pouring down while he watched Shion cry. Odd how some things could make him think of that. But people always told him he was too nice for his own good. He'd wanted to do something then, and couldn't come up with a thing. Only to be there.

Allen remembered not seeing her at the funeral, and worrying the entire time He remembered showing up at her quarters once it was over. She'd looked like a mess when she opened the door, her usually well-kept hair hanging loose and unbrushed around her shoulders, her face red and splotchy, her uniform rumpled. They seemed to live in those things. _Guess that's what happens when you live inside a company_, he'd thought.

He'd asked if she was all right, though he knew the answer as well as she did. Of course not. Shion had shook her head "no", and looked at him expectantly. What did he want? "I was worried when I didn't see you," he'd started to say, stopping when he saw the quivering of her chin. For a moment there was silence while she regained her composure.

"I couldn't—" Shion'd stopped, shaking her head suddenly. "…You may as well come in." He'd followed her inside, and settled himself down on a worn, red armchair. She sat on the matching sofa, feet tucked up under her. "I couldn't go," she'd continued, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. "I couldn't look at him laying in a box and I couldn't watch them lower them into a hole in the ground. I figured if I didn't go it wouldn't be real and—god, why am I telling you this?" He recalled watching as she rubbed her face with one hand. "I'm so stupid, aren't I? Of course it's real." She looked over at him, expecting something, though he still wasn't sure what. Maybe for him to chastise her for being foolish.

Instead he'd shook his head. "You're not stupid at all." He had said nothing beyond that, just letting it sink in. A moment later, he'd added, "I don't think any of us wanted it to be real."

She'd snorted at that, for some reason. Maybe she'd found some form of humor in his words. "Of course not. He was a good friend." The line sounded rehearsed, somehow.

"That sounds like part of Togashi's eulogy," he'd commented.

Shion'd looked up at that. "Did he make a lot of jokes?"

He'd nodded. "He tried, at least."

There had been more silence after that, the two of them lost in their thoughts. What were they supposed to say to each other? Then: "Can I ask a favor of you?" Allen'd looked over at her. "Could you…could you drive me there? I don't trust myself behind the wheel very much right now." It was amazing how calm she'd sounded then.

"Sure," he'd agreed. And so they'd ended up alone in a graveyard, soaking wet and miserable, each in their own ways. But at least they weren't alone.

The movie ended, though he wasn't sure what'd happened, only that the credits were rolling. Hopefully the couple had remained together. Allen was a something of a romantic, that way. He hauled himself upright, cracking a neck that'd gone stiff at some point during the last couple of hours, and shut the screen off. A glance at the timepiece on the wall showed that it was 23:51. He pondered sleeping where he was, then discarded the thought; he had enough trouble waking up when the alarm was right next to his head, relying on his internal clock would be a disaster waiting to happen.

So, bed. Allen stood up, and dragged himself toward his bedroom, shutting things off along the way, a computer screen here, a light switch there. At one point he almost knocked something over in his fatigue. Amazing how fast he could lose control of his motor skills when it got late. Good thing the something in question was only resin.

Soon he found himself spread out across the bed, trying to find a comfortable position. At least he hadn't needed to make his bed in the past few days, what with sleeping on top of the covers. He guessed that fell under small favors. Sleep overtook him a few minutes later, blessed unconsciousness, but not before he caught the sound of rain hitting the window.


	5. Assault

**Rising Emotions Chapter 5**

By Karen Hart

* * *

Things were not going well in Shion's office.

She stared at the pug-nosed little man in the chair across from her for a full minute before speaking. "Let me get this straight. You expect me to turn KOS-MOS over to the military before she's even _completed_?"

The man—one Eric Mathiis—scowled back at her. "You've had more than enough time to—"

"We have had not quite seven months. I hate to break it to you Mr. Mathiis, but seven months is a god damned short time to be finished building a battle android. Or did you think we got her out of a model kit and all we have to do is attach part A to piece B and maybe slap on a few decals just for kicks. Hm?" She wasn't famous for her sweet disposition and calm temperament. "Or maybe you figured not done was just about good enough. 'The chassis's finished, isn't that all we need?'"

Mathiis sputtered. "Now see here, Miss Uzuki—"

Shion glared, though somehow her expression didn't change. "That's Chief Uzuki and you will address me as such while you are in _my_ office, in _my_ lab."

"_Chief_ Uzuki, then. You were informed at the start of your position as Chief Engineer that you were to be finished with your work in half a year and to turn over the results to the Federation."

"No. No I was not." She could feel her voice starting to raise just slightly. "I was told that after that time a representative would be sent to discuss the possibility of a model being designed for military use. _Not_ to turn the project over completely."

A sour look from Mathiis. Did the man know no pleasantries? "I hate to break it to you Miss—excuse me, Chief—Uzuki, but you were misinformed. I've gone through the file detailing my excursion here and it clearly states that you are to turn over the KPX unit and its related research and findings to—"

Shion stood up then, a swift move that made Mathiis lean back in his seat. She glared at him. "You were told that because you're an idiot." Mathiis's nostrils flared in outrage at that. "You're a desk jockey, a sorry little office goblin whose sole function is to push papers. You don't know the last thing about developmental engineering, only that we play with neat computers and tinker with stuff a lot. I'm betting they sent you because you wouldn't know to do anything but irritate me until I give in. Sorry, but that's not happening. Do you know, anyone else with the least bit of sense would've walked right out that door and gone straight home when I mentioned that the results of KOS-MOS's latest reflex text weren't up to par. Do you know why? Because 'not up to par' in this case means we can't get to her shoot her targets in the simulators in time. And if we can't get a simulated version of her to work correctly, how well do you think the actual model's going to function? Also, if we were to turn her over to anybody, it would not be to you, but to the Second Division, as the findings and creations of Vector's R and D laboratories—or any other department—do not fall under the jurisdiction of the Galaxy Federation except in previously described states of emergency. This hardly qualifies."

Eric Mathiis stood, face red with angry, beady eyes as wide as they'd go. "I don't have to take this from you!" Empty threats now, was it? He was folding fast.

"Actually, you do. However, we have nothing more to discuss. Good day, Mr. Mathiis."

Somehow the man actually got the message that time. He stood up and with, yes, another scowl, quit the room. Thank _god_.

"So what just happened?" a voice piped up once she headed back into the lab. The owner of the voice was a young woman in her late teens, possessed of an energy that seemed to manifest itself even when she was standing still—not that she ever stood still, though. She wasn't the only one waiting for a response, either—every pair of eyes in the place was focused on her.

Shion sighed. "Oh about what you'd expect. 'Turn over KOS-MOS to us because we want her! Forget all that nonsense about having her work properly! Surely nothing bad will happen!'" She slumped down into a nearby chair. "Idiots!"

"I say we hand her over," Togashi spoke up. "Let _them_ handle her when she goes berserk." He didn't apologize when he saw the look on Shion's face. "I mean, they know so much anyway, why not let them handle this?"

"And then what?" Allen piped up a moment later. "We've been pouring our souls into this. I don't know about you, but I've been seeing C-line protocols in my dreams lately. I'd hate to just ship her off to some Fed lab."

Togashi lifted his hands as if warding off an attack. "Hey, I was kidding, kidding. Like I'd give up on this after putting so much time and effort in. If I wanted to give up I'd just stay in bed one day." That got a short laugh from everyone present.

"Yeah, yeah," Shion waved the slight digression away. "Anyway, I'm hoping that'll be the end of it, but we'll probably hear from the Federation _and_ the Director, but at least I probably won't have to deal with that guy again."

At that, Miyuki grinned impishly. "Bet the feeling's mutual. I'm sure he didn't appreciate being called—what was it, an 'office goblin'? That was awesome!"

"Oh please shut up, Miyuki."


	6. Inner Space

**Rising Emotions Chapter 6**

By Karen Hart

* * *

_Haven't been here in a while_, Allen thought as he sat down in the middle of the walkway, face turned towards the grave marker. He effectively blocked any passers-by where he was, though the nearest person was some thirty yards away, and he doubted they were going to bump into each other anytime soon; there weren't many people there at 6:00. No flowers or notes rested on the grave, a fact that gave it a curiously neglected look, in spite of the obviously careful tending of the grounds. 

He dropped his head slightly, eyes closed in a combination of fatigue and sorrow; he felt so tired just then. For a while he stayed that way, head bowed while he thought, until a phantom sound shook him out of his reverie and he glanced up in bewildered surprise. There was nothing there; the other person had left. He let go a breath.

"Been a while," he echoed his thoughts aloud, hands on knees while he looked up at the artificial sky, then back down at the grave. "Hope you didn't think I was avoiding you or anything. Just been busy with the Project, that's all." This was always awkward for him. "Anyway, I might as well get to why I came to visit. Been worried about the Chi— …Shion," he amended. "She still misses you, you know." God, this was always so awkward.

Allen looked down again, contemplating his next words. "She's been trying to pretend otherwise, though. It's almost funny. We can all see how much this—" he gestured at the marker "—has affected her, but she always tries to act like it doesn't bother her anymore. But it's been almost a year, and I think things are starting to—well, she's starting to get a little frayed around the edges. I know, I know. What do I expect you to do about it?" He gave a short, sharp laugh. "She still wears the ring you know. And your necklace. Guess it's no surprise. You two seemed great together.

"To be honest, I keep thinking maybe she should come down here once a while. I asked her about it a few days ago. She just got this look like—I don't know. But she got real quiet after that, and changed the subject. I think she wishes she could still talk to you, though. Call it a hunch," he suggested, a quick, sad smile lifting his features for a moment.

He grew quiet then, as he watched a leaf fall from the nearby maple. _Guess the guys in Environment want autumn to come early this year._ "She's doing pretty good, though, all things considered. You know—all right, you have to hear this. So we're all in the lab, right, 'cept for Karol 'cause she was out sick. Anyway, we're working on KOS-MOS's speech software, and Shion's got it set up so that her responses will come from the speaker just to the left of her console. She's issued the 'intro' command, and we're waiting for the usual 'Anti-Gnosis Humanoid Fighting System' and so on response. Then we hear it, but it isn't coming from the speakers. Instead, we hear it coming from Shion's UMN phone—you know, the bunny one? Somehow she got the signals crosses. So anyway, Togashi starts shouting 'Oh no! KOS-MOS has been eaten by the bunny phone!' and Shion starts asking if there were any priests nearby, and we all just start _rolling_. I swear I thought Basil was going to suffocate, he was gasping for air so much. God, it was great. You would've loved it.

"KOS-MOS has been doing pretty good too, I think. At least Shion says the dives have been promising. We don't wake her up. Don't really want to, truth be told. At least not yet. Though I'd kind of like to see her, you know. Just not—well, you probably get what I'm saying." He leaned forward a bit, make a gesture with his right hand. _What can you do?_ it seemed to say.

For a moment he was silent, losing the threads of what he'd wanted to say. There was just so much. "I know there was something else I wanted to add. But hell, I think I got most of it already." He sighed, and closed his eyes, thinking of all that'd happened since his last visit some three months ago. "Oh, that's right. We've got a new girl in the Division. Her name's Miyuki. She was interning for a while, but now she's pretty much official." He grinned. "I think Shion wants to kill her."

He stood up then, brushing a bit of gravel from the seat of his pants. "I really wish I could talk to you face to face, instead of like this. But hell, what can you do? Damn, I say this every time, don't I? Bet it's getting kind of old. Ah hell. It's the truth." There was another moment of silence as he looked down at the marker, contemplating the words on its surface. He'd never really thought about what they'd meant, seeing them as just pretty bit of text. But now he could see a bit of truth to the words. "Just had to go off in your own direction, didn't you?"

There was quiet for a while, until it was interrupted by the sudden chirping of his watch. Visiting time was up, it seemed. "Looks like I'd better get going, or I'll be late for work. I'll probably stop by again some time soon. Well, see you later." With that he made his way down the pathway, towards the mostly empty parking lot.

See you later, friend.


	7. Insecurity

**Rising Emotions Chapter 7**

By Karen Hart

* * *

She stared at the mess of wires and plastics and metals in front of her and felt like swearing. "Nothing _works_," she growled, running her hands against her forehead and through her hair. The gesture did nothing to alleviate the headache that was forming.

Nights in the lab had a way of frustrating her these days, in a way they never had before, the overhead lights and the glow of monitors creating a false midday that warred with her internal clock. She'd be dead in the morning. _Ah well_, she thought dryly, _this is what I get for taking my time and doing things properly_. At least Allen was there to help her.

"I don't see what the problem is," he grumbled in confusion, lifting a computer chip from the assembly on the table. "We redesigned the core using the Archetype as a base model," he began, turning the chip over. Shion nodded, once. "We carefully studied every single aspect of the original core so as to avoid incorporating whatever design flaws made the Archetype lose control—sorry." Another nod, this time somehow strained. "We've had our own version analyzed by half the Division—" a slight exaggeration there "—so why doesn't it start?"

There was quiet then, both of them staring at the KP-X's defunct core before Shion pushed herself upwards, leaning against the table. Allen looked at her expectantly, raising an eyebrow as she carefully disconnected every wire, every chip, until there was no core left besides the shell. "Chief?" She turned to him then, a thoughtful look on her face.

"We'll start over," she said. Allen groaned. "We're obviously missing something—what was it that made the Archetype function in all the preliminary tests, what's missing from our own model?"

"Well, it can't be the motor control software—that's practically identical," Allen muttered, rubbing his chin. "And I don't see how any of the things we removed could've worked in the first place—there should've been a feedback error in all the tests." He groaned again, and slumped in his chair. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

_Neither do I._ Shion kept the thought to herself. _That's what's wrong, isn't it? We're trying to outdo Kevin's work, because there has to be something wrong in_ his _programming, doesn't there? The rest of us couldn't be responsible—._ No. She left that train of thought, went back to the beginning, ignoring the inviting tangent_. We're not trying to outdo Kevin, we're just trying to avoid the mistakes we made the first time around._ "That's what's wrong, isn't it?" she murmured under her breath. It got her a stare from Allen.

She took a deep breath. "All right. We'll reanalyze the original mockup against the current version. Allen, pull up the required files. I'm going to make another pot of coffee. We're going to need it."

Ten minutes later they were both staring mutely at Shion's terminal, Allen leaning over her shoulder, as two near-identical wireframe images rotated side-by-side on the screen. Shion rubbed her eyes, and sipped her coffee before touching the screen with a stylus. The image of the Archetype's core stopped rotating, and zoomed until it fit the entire screen. Two wires were connected between a response and a stimuli-input drive. A third was connected on one end to the stimuli-input drive, and nothing else, the "live" end dangerously exposed. "Now, what did he intend when he did that?"

Allen shrugged, mindful of his own cup. "Beats me. I'd guess he was going to connect it to another piece of hardware, but then why wouldn't he have installed it before the startup test? And what was there to add?"

"Maybe." It was Shion's turn to shrug. "Maybe he was in the process of removing it, and didn't get the chance to, entirely." Somehow they both doubted that; Kevin had been meticulous in every aspect of KOS-MOS's design. She shook her head and made a copy of the image, then rotated it again. Click and zoom. An eye-twisting mess of cables filled the screen. She tapped a cable three times in rapid succession, and sighed in frustration at the newly highlighted segment. The cable twisted and snaked around others, and seemed to be spliced into another cable, somewhere around the middle. A tap at this cable. It, too, joined another cable.

She reached for the drawer and the painkillers she kept there. "There's just no way that can work. One cable should do well enough for all of them. Why splice them—hmm?" The weight of Allen's hand on the chair back had vanished.

Allen set his cup on the counter and stretched stiff limbs before settling down at his own station. "Maybe we're going about this the wrong way." Shion looked at him quizzically. "I mean—. Well, look. We're trying to figure out what went wrong in the startup test, which part's to blame, when we _should_ be studying it to figure out why it worked in the first place."

Shion processed that through a tired brain, and dreaded what looked like a month's work in three hours. "If we refocus the analysis, we won't have time to—"

Allen shook his head. "I say we reinstall the original core. It's a risk, what with all that we don't understand, but we don't have time to tear this thing apart anymore. At least not now. Besides, it should be fine so long as we don't let it run around just yet."

A sip from the cup. He had a good point—several, in fact, and she was out of ideas. "All right," she agreed, and yawned despite the caffeine, "let's get to work."


End file.
